Struggle

I have been thinking about struggle for the last couple of weeks. Mostly about the way that my upbringing in the American evangelical SoCal church culture has left me under prepared to handle struggles in my own life.

I don't expect life to be perfect....but my life is very good.  The hard things in my life are not cancer, or sick kids, or my marriage being really rocky. So in many ways I feel like I should not be complaining because people around me are facing bigger issues. And trust me I know that I have heaps to be grateful for and spends tons of time practicing gratitude.

But I am starting to see that the worldview I grew up under had a subtle not fully articulated belief that there was a way to crack the code. That if you worked hard enough, or believed the perfect way life could be as close to perfect this side of heaven as we could make it be.... That if you follow God's leading it would always be smooth. That his will for your life is good, and good equals easy and fun.

I know that I was never taught that...I remember plenty of sermons on hardship...and trials...and learning about the hard shit the guys in bible lived thru. I remember teachings on how "Name it and Claim it" theology was not biblical. But what I saw acted out and what I picked up from watching my leaders was "easy path equals  open door, open door equals God's will". Even teachings about having peace about something being a way that God leads got translated in my head to "easy" or "follow the path of least resistance ".

Fast forward to last year when Dave and I started to feel like change was in the wind. We spent a long time praying and talking to people we trust and thinking about things and we came to conclusions about what we felt our season was going to be and what it was going to look like and when we were going to start walking towards it...and now nothing


Now I am seeing shallow my practical theology was/is. We know what God said...We have sign posts to mark that we heard...but things are now happening at the speed we expected. (And in Dave's head nothing is happening at all) 

And we are struggling with life and with each other.  Nothing fits anymore and all the things that used to help and bring comfort don't.

And into all this God has started highlighting all the places in scripture where struggle and hardship our shown from the beginning as what it looks like to follow him. Things that I knew but it is like seeing for the first time.

I am not sure what to do with everything I am feeling yet. I am not even doing at great job explaining in this blog.

I guess it comes down to this...following Jesus in this season means that I am saying yes to hard things knowing that they are going to be hard.