Genesis 16

"Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, 'You are a God who sees'; for she said, 'Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?'
Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (the well of the living one who sees me); behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered." Gen 16:13-14

This is from one of my favorite stories.  The story of Hagar. It is tucked away in the middle of the larger story of Abraham.  Hagar is a minor character, her story is told in 28 verses. She only has 3 or 4 lines, though much of the action moves around her. 

Every time I read her story, I find hope and peace.

Hagar was Sarai's maidservant, whom she gave to Abram.  God had promised Abram a son, and Sarai was barren, so she send her maid to have a son in her place.  When Hagar conceives scripture says she despised Sarai.  Sarai (with Abram's blessing) treats her harshly.  So Hagar runs away.

And then this amazing. beautiful, nearly unbelievable thing happens: The Angel of the Lord finds her and speaks to her!  The NIV text note says that the Angel of the Lord is traditional seen as the "Preincarnate manifestation of Christ".

Jesus comes and finds Hagar. 

It blows my mind every time.  Hagar truly has nothing on her side that would make her "attractive" to God.  She has done nothing to earn his attention, let alone his favor.  She is a woman in a patriarchal culture, and then a slave.  She is carrying a child that interferes with God's plan and promise to Abraham.  Yes, you could argue that she is just a pawn, that she was only doing what Sarai made her do.  True, but when she gets pregnant she despises Sarai.  Maybe she starts to mouth off, or talk behind her back.  Whatever it was, it was enough that Sarai goes to Abram and tells him off about it.  He then tells her to do whatever she wants with Hagar.  So Sarai "treats her harshly"...maybe she starts to hit her?  So Hagar runs away.  No one is right in this story.  But even in the midst of that "straight from Jerry Springer" drama, Jesus comes and finds Hagar.  And he speaks to her.  He tells her to go home, and submit to Sarai, but also that she is going to have son and she is to name him Ishmael, that her descendants will be too numerous to count.  How beautiful is that...it is the same promise that God made to Abram.

Hagar's response sums it all up for me: "Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, 'You are a God who sees'; for she said, 'Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?'"

She knows that she has seen God, and she know that she should have died, so she gives him the only name she can: "God who sees".

I can not put into words the hope for Grace, that this passage fills me with.  In the very middle of the messes that we make of our lives, God sees us.  Not only does he have answers for how to fix our messes,  he has promises for our futures; promises we don't deserve, and we can't earn.

And if this where not enough, a few chapters later, Hagar and Ishmael are sent away by Abraham.  They run out of water in desert, and Hagar is sure they are going to die, so she lives Ishmael in the shade. She can't bear the sight of him dying.  God calls out to her again, he reaffirms his promise to make Ishmael a great nation, and then leads them to water. 

So beautiful.  Grace upon grace. 

Today the extreme swings of emotion have stopped and left me feeling numb.  Today I want information.  When will people be here, what events are we going to, are people staying with us????? I want to be help and involved and right now while everything is in flux I can't do that.

I must say, I am so grateful for the friends and church family that we have around us.  Last night Steph and Ryan had us come for dinner and let us just be.  I have felt God walking with us, in their care and love.

Feelings

Today I have felt sleepy, expectant, worried, shocked, sad, numb, worried about others, grateful, sad, overwhelmed and helpless, far from and other, sad again, Grateful again, and now tired and empty.  The range of emotions and how quickly I have moved from one extreme to the other is exhausting.  And today is only day one...I am sure I will move thru this range again several times in the next few weeks. 

My cousin died today. 

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

We got our tree tonight.  We made the kids hot chocolate, put it in sippy cups so they could drink it in the car.  Lucy's was gone before we got to the tree lot.  Seth decided to wait to start his at the lot.  Dave & I got Salted Caramel Chai Tea from TJ's for our special drink.  We found a tree pretty quickly, we liked the first tree we picked up.  We looked around at a few more, but kept going back, so we just went with it.  I like it cause it is pretty full.  The branches that Dave clipped off the bottom of the trunk we put in a vase, and ran lights thru them for Seth's room. Dave also put lights about Seth's window for him. Dave used to decorate his room when he was growing up, so he decorates Seth's room with lights and stuff.  I think Dave likes Christmas decorating more than I do.  He sets up his Christmas village the day after Thanksgiving; last year he got a train for under the tree.  Tomorrow he will do outside lights. 

Setting up the tree with Seth was fun this year.  He is old enough to really help, and he was supper excited about all of it (ok, we did give him Hot Chocolate, so he was a bit wired.  In fact, he is still up...1 1/2 hrs past bedtime...Dave is taking him to bed now.)  As I opened each ornament, he wanted to know whose it was.  Seeing his little pile, and looking at all of ones I have collected over the years, it made me feel the continuity of tradition.  Especially as I hung the ones that where my mom's from before I was born. Some day, I will get to pass some of them to Seth and Lucy. 

It just hit me, how Dave & I are passing our favorite parts of Christmas down to Seth and Lucy, and how when they are grown their idea of what Christmas means will be a mix of what I grew up with and what Dave grew up with, and what we have added that is our own...like Hot Chocolate while we pick out the our tree...wow. 

Home

Dave and I just got back from a 5 day, 4 night trip to Cabo San Lucas.  That is our "spot" to vacation.  Dave has been going there with his dad since he was a boy.  That is where Dave took me for our honeymoon, and we've been back 3 or 4 times since.  This time we left the kids at home.  It is the first real childless trip we have taken in 5 years.  We needed it, and it was perfect.  Some friends went with us, and while it had the potential to make the trip awkward, it was a lot of fun.  Dave and Ali (short for Alister) went fishing, which is something that Dave has been wanted to do since we where on honeymoon, but he did not want to go by himself and I did not want to with him. Amber & I stayed at the condo and watched "Friends", which is always my idea of a perfect day...sitting and doing nothing.  Each day was great combination of doing stuff, and doing nothing. 

So now we are home, and real life starts again.  I have to get caught up on porterbrook, and prepare for the residential.  We also have to get ready for Christmas.  But I am excited for those things, and feel rested enough to take them on.   And it is so nice to see my kids!